It's All Happening
by robert3A-SN
Summary: Hours after the ending of "Smallest Park" Leslie finally has time to think in the middle of the night about what has happened, what she let happen before, what she has to do now - and how that doesn't scare her as much as it used to anymore.


**Spoilers for Episode 4x08 "Smallest Park"**

The last several hours may wind up being the most important of Leslie Knope's life. They may certainly serve as the prologue for her pre-Presidential biography. Or they could be the prologue for a how-to book on how to destroy one's career.

But for all of the historical implications, the time really flew by too fast. One minute Leslie was working harder than she expected she'd have to in order to make Pawnee citizens protest the smallest park. The next minute Ben told Chris that their working relationship was over, then Ann called her a steamroller about 45 seconds later, and then it must have been at least 30 seconds later when Ben arrived at the park that night.

Then when she told him "screw it" and laid out that she wanted to be with him, it happened in the blink of an eye. Or at least their hundreds of kisses did.

Now in the next blink of an eye, it was 3 a.m. at Leslie's house and she was wide awake. That was nothing new, but having Ben sleeping in her bed was; at least compared to the last two months.

And now that she had gone from losing Ben forever to promising to come clean and be with him in a second, Leslie finally started to think about it.

Especially since she only had a couple of hours until her career at the Parks Department; if not her entire career period; was over.

That's when it hit Leslie that it was actually happening. She was actually hours away from giving it all away. In the morning she would be a rising candidate for City Council, and in the evening she would likely be unemployed and called the female Bill Dexhart by at least 50 Altavista blogs. Three decades of dreams would be destroyed for a man who wanted nothing more to do with her a few hours ago.

Then again, that wasn't fair. He did say he didn't really want to be away from her, before he looked away and got up to leave with the biggest wounded Ben look of all time. The one that finally told Leslie that she never wanted to cause that look again; and that she wanted to see all his happier looks for a long time. And now that she basically admitted it to him, she could admit to herself that she wanted that for a long time too; even before the breakup.

But she didn't take that chance back then because of her job, and then she couldn't do it because of the campaign. In fact, Leslie never hesitated when she chose the campaign over him. Even though it took her forever to actually tell him so – so much so that he did it first – she never once considered the possibility of keeping him or not doing the campaign, or having both at the same time.

She never hesitated then, and yet she was hesitating now after she made her decision to choose Ben. Even now, Leslie wasn't going in all the way, despite how she gave Ben the impression that she was hours ago at the park….as well as when they got back here. That had to say something unfair about her, yet after Ann brought her back to reality with the "steamroller" speech, she wasn't in the mood to think of any more bad names for herself tonight.

But not thinking is what made Leslie drop Ben the second she didn't tell William Barnes about him. Not thinking is what made her make things even worse for Ben when she wouldn't leave him alone. Not thinking is why Ben had to yell at her for three straight adventures now, and not thinking is why she didn't learn her lesson the first time. So while not thinking seemed to be a strong suit of hers lately, it was time for thinking to grow a pair and stop hiding herself.

Then again, if Leslie wasn't like this for three straight outings, it wouldn't have made her realize how much she needed him. So that was a point against her thinking cap right there.

But now that it was leading her to probably give up her entire career….that could be a 100 point deduction.

Now she was thinking; thinking about Chris firing them both, the betrayed citizens, Joan's certain questions about their sex lives, Jerry and the library running wild without Leslie around, Ron chopping his mustache off with an axe because he had to do real work, and other Hellish nightmares that only existed in those overrated best sellers from Eagleton.

It was every nightmare that made her want to keep their secret months ago in their first relationship. It was every horror fantasy that forced them to be the one thing they weren't good at; being sneaky.

Or at least, it forced her to be that way.

Leslie was the one freaking out about what would happen if they were caught. She was still freaking out now that it was hours away from happening. And yet she could never recall Ben being scared about losing his job. If he was worried about anything, it was Leslie losing her job and campaign, but he never really said he didn't want to lose his job. She just assumed that he was because they were so alike and loved their work so much, and he kept quiet so she wouldn't freak out more.

But what if she was so much of a steamroller that she was wrong about that too? What if this was what Ben actually wanted all along? He was the one that kissed her first after the road trip, and he pretty much admitted that wanting to stay away from her was an act. Plus the road trip, the breakup and the last few weeks did prove that they weren't always on the same wave length. So what if they weren't on this?

Leslie had no idea, because she never actually asked him.

She just assumed that Ben wanted to keep things a secret and lay low for months and years if necessary. But she never asked him. She assumed that he loved his job way too much to want to give it up, especially for someone he only knew for months. But she never bothered to ask. Maybe it was easier that way, so she could preserve "The Bubble" for as long as possible. And look where that ended up.

So ignoring what Ben might want and thinking that she had all the answers didn't just start three weeks ago then. That was nice to know.

None of his actions suggested that he wanted a job more than love. Every one of Leslie's actions suggested that love meant nothing compared to her job; both her present one and her potential future one. But then again, she didn't know it was actual love for a long time, so couldn't that be excused somehow?

And besides, she was a proud feminist who was led to believe that giving up jobs and careers for love was a betrayal to woman kind. That was certainly one of the biggest things that Pawnee women everywhere would yell back at her later today. So couldn't a lot of this be feminism's fault?

Perhaps that kind of crazy thinking wasn't the best thing, for at least today. Blaming outside forces and using excuses was what made Leslie come so close to losing Ben in the first place. So she already knew that was a losing strategy.

These kind of thoughts ran through Leslie's head for almost the full 40 minutes that she paced the living room floor. If Ben woke up and saw this, at least he wouldn't think that was out of the ordinary. But he was probably too blissed out and dreaming of handing Chris his letter of resignation to wake up. And here she was, still doubting herself and doubting if what she was about to do was worth it.

Given how she had been doing that for months, maybe it made sense. After all, as magical as Pawnee was, even it couldn't magically turn her into a fearless career-killer in the blink of an eye. And no matter how she felt now, career-killing was what she was about to do.

But what if that was wrong too?

She assumed that Chris would never let her and Ben return to City Hall if he ever found out about them. But they had never asked him; and she had never considered that the nicest, most positive non-Leslie Knope person in the world wouldn't turn into a flaming dragon monster when he learned the truth. Another possibility that she steamrolled over.

She assumed there was no chance to possibly get their jobs back after they were fired. But what if others could find a way where she couldn't? Ann and Ron were the only other co-workers who knew about them, and Leslie knew they would burn City Hall to the ground before they let her stay fired. Or at least Ron would, depending on if he had enough dozens of lunchtime cigars left in the office. Maybe the others would use some of their spare cigars for her; Jerry was certainly disgusting enough to carry a few.

So maybe there were other ways this could turn out. Maybe her friends could save her and Ben, and maybe Ben wouldn't mind if they could only save Leslie. Maybe thinking that only the worst could happen….despite how thinking the best would always happen in everything else….had a few flaws.

After all, she made herself believe that the romantic part of their relationship was over just two weeks ago; and she was dead wrong. What if she was wrong about this too? But then again, Leslie had been wrong about so much lately that she was bound to be right soon, and at the worst possible time.

However, now that Leslie was thinking again, she was thinking sometime she had never bothered to think before.

So what if she was right?

At least one thing wouldn't be lost forever if she was. And if she didn't realize it was a damn good thing before they returned to bed, it wasn't lost on her now.

With that, it was time to stop thinking and start doing again; for the right reasons this time.

She couldn't go over to Chris's now and tell him the truth. But she could make it so there was really no weaseling out of this one.

Therefore, she rushed over to her phone and called Chris's cell. He was usually done meditating at 3:30 a.m. and was in the middle of his hour-long post meditation, pre 5-mile morning run nap. So he would probably listen to this message in the middle of mile three before he got to work.

"Chris, hi! This is Leslie Knope from the Parks Department. I say that because that is my job, as of 3:50 a.m. today, November 18, 2011! Anyway….since I am still your employee, I would like to have an employee meeting with you when I get in today. Not to give anything away now, but I may or may not bring another employee there with me. Let's just say it's the kind of meeting I can't do alone….you know, since it might change a few lives and make the media camp out for a few months and all that unimportant stuff."

"Whew, listen to me say it's unimportant….never thought I'd say it like that a while ago. But that's kind of my own fault….and kind of yours, once I fully explain it. I mean, how can I expect to think clearly when my boss didn't and wanted to dump dream teams and duos without even knowing it? You know what I mean? Well, you don't know now, but you will soon, and boy will you have to know your stuff when Ann and Ron burn you alive! You know he has the lunch cigars to do it!"

"But…..that's neither here nor there, I guess. We'll cross that burning bridge when we get to it, or if we get to it. That's kind of my own fault for not figuring that out too. I've already got a lot of things to blame myself for….except for the thing I'm gonna tell you. That's the first thing I really did right, and that includes running for office. I mean, I wasn't wrong to do that, aside from the one really bad thing about that….but maybe I can still make that all the way right too. You could really help with that, if you take that thing I'm gonna tell you well. Maybe you will after all….who knows? I'm sure tired of thinking I know."

"Oh, your phone voice just told me my message was cut off, so I guess that's it! This has been Leslie, from the Parks Department for now. See you in a few hours, although you can't hear me anymore…..so I guess you can't hear me say I love Ben Wyatt yet. Not yet, anyway."

And there it was. Even though Chris's phone cut her off before she spilled the big secret early, she had spilled it. To Chris's phone and to herself as well. Perhaps she would soon spill it to Ben herself….she might have to in order to make up for them getting fired.

But however she said it, and for whatever reasons, it would be the truth when she did say it.

She was in love with Ben Wyatt. It was really happening.

And in a few more hours, it wouldn't be just her, Ben, Ann, Ron, Mom and a maintenance man who knew it anymore. That was really going to happen.

And Leslie actually wanted to take a shot at defeating the consequences now.

That was actually really happening.

It took a lot of waiting, fear, separation, anxiety, heartbreak and the brink of disaster to get to this point. But it was finally going to be worth it; maybe even still be worth it even if the worst would really happen.

She didn't know if the bad stuff would happen; but the thing was she didn't know anymore, unlike before. Yet she knew for a fact that good stuff was finally, really happening right now because she admitted she didn't know….and maybe didn't really care.

Now all of a sudden, waiting for three hours to find out the results almost felt like two full weeks. And there was no way that Leslie could sleep through two full weeks.

So it was waiting by the clock for the big moment to come, imagining possible outcomes and dreaming of happy ones for the next two weeks/three hours, then. Leslie could do that.

There were certainly worse things that she had sworn to stop doing.


End file.
